September 1, 2004

// October 27th, 2010 // From the forthcoming book "Losing Steve: One Mother's Journey Through Grief"

Yesterday and today I’ve been able to sit down for some quiet meditation time. It’s so hard to calm my busy mind but when I get into a comforting rhythm repeating the phrase in my mind, I see before me a long, path through a thick forest. The path is almost straight and it’s as narrow as a deer trail. On each side evergreen trees tower over my head blocking the sun’s light.

Today as I walked along the path I came to a barrier. I couldn’t see it. I only know it’s there because I felt myself bump into it. In my mind it seems to be a clear glass wall ~ as thick and as high and as deep as forever. I cannot go around or over this wall because I can’t see the end of it in any direction. The wall is so perfectly transparent I can’t even see it as I look straight ahead. I only know it’s there because I keep bumping into it during my meditation.

But I know that I live by and in God’s grace, and it is time to give my grief to Him who, as impossible as it seems, heals ALL.

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