November 28, 2003

// May 15th, 2010 // Uncategorized

We went out to our desert place today to visit Steve. After the two hour drive it felt good to get out of the car and stretch my legs. First a quick pit stop and then we finished the drive to the spot where we sprinkled Steve’s ashes three months ago. We hiked up the sandy slope and stood there calmly gazing out over the desert valley. Amy was the first to look down and notice something remarkable. There’s no gentle way to put this. Bone chips. He’s still there! Amy picked up one of the pieces and held it in her cupped hand, just marveling at the situation. Nick walked over to join her at the precipice and we all followed, Nett holding Christopher tightly by the hand. When Nick saw what Amy was holding and realized what it was, he said, “Quiet, everyone!” and bent his ear near her hand. “Can you hear that? He’s laughing!” For a moment I could hear Steve’s distinctive chuckle in my mind and I could see him with that sly grin of his as he watches over us. I felt so at peace out there.

We had a fun talking about old times, the sound of our laughter drifting far out into the desert. We all know we each miss him. We didn’t need to talk about that. I didn’t feel the need to cry then or even after.

Nick sat on a rock near his brother’s ashes and lit a cigarette for Steve, wedging it into a crevice of the rock. As it burned down we lingered there and talked, Nick occasionally teasing Steve for the long “granny ash” (an old joke of theirs). Once the cigarette was safely crushed out we started the long drive back home.

Thanksgiving 2003 is now officially over for the Haas Family and we’re alright.

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