June 3, 2006

// April 23rd, 2012 // Uncategorized

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June 3, 2006
There is still so much animosity between Amy and me. Since our family problems came to a head , Amy and I, once close friends, can’t even look at each other let alone speak to one another. Amy’s been so angry with me and I didn’t know what I had done. Marisa invited us to her house, a more or less neutral environment, this afternoon to try to find a solution to our cold war. Amy glared at me from across the room.
Marisa opened the conversation. “You two need to talk. I know how much you love each other. You can count on that to get you through this.”
“Aim, I don’t know what I did to deserve this. Right now, it feels like you hate me.”
“Mom….I can’t hate you. I don’t hate you. I was just so frustrated. It seemed like every time we got together all you could talk about was Steve and all your mistakes as a mom. How much you miss him. I had to get away for awhile.”
I sat in stunned silence, deeply offended by what I was hearing.
“And on top of all that I got no support from you, no shared happiness from you for our growth in our church, for my activities as Children’s Ministry leader.”
“How could I! I felt like that was what was tearing you guys away from us!”
“I admit we overcompensated. But it was mainly because we felt you were all still stuck in your grief and trying to keep us stuck with you. Mom! I was ready to move on and you weren’t. I had to follow my heart.”
A light began to dawn in my own heart. I did talk a lot about Steve when Amy and I were together. Amy was my friend. I thought it was safe.  But she showed me that my overflowing grief was crushing her. She tried to tell me, but I couldn’t hear her over my overwhelming need to unload some of the great mass that smothered me.
This was not Amy’s burden.
From 2011
With our hurts and offenses in the open our family began to heal. Family Dinner was more often the whole family. Today we are friends again.
Hindsight is 20/20. Perhaps I should have availed myself of one of the many resources for grieving parents. Maybe we could have prevented this melt down in our family. But, I believe that we are even stronger now. By God’s grace, we are where we need to be and I look forward to the road ahead.

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