February 3, 2005

// March 8th, 2011 // From the forthcoming book "Losing Steve: One Mother's Journey Through Grief"

I’m always so sorry when I avoid my journal for so long. I often put aside for “later” the things that I know are best for me. The things I find the most personally enriching…prayer, bible study, meditation, exercise, and journaling. These I put on the back burner. Instead I sleep late in the morning because I’m so tired. When I finally get up around 9 a.m. I get lost in my day, literally. Sometimes I find myself standing in the middle of a room wondering, “Where do I begin?” If I can’t figure it out I sit to wonder, staring blindly at the walls.

A few days ago I got up early. I studied, prayed, and meditated. My entire day went great! I was productive and I felt excellent.

Today I woke up sluggish (catching another cold—blah) so I went back to bed and fell into a heavy sleep. I had another house dream. But in my dream this morning I was in was this house, our home of twenty-six years. For some reason Dave and I were inspecting one of the front hall closets and we found a passageway leading to a secret basement level. There we discovered three rooms. Of course, one was a bathroom; there usually is a hidden bathroom in my house dreams. In my dream we were so excited to discover these new rooms.

Now, what does it mean? Am I the house and the newfound rooms my as yet undiscovered potential?

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