February 1, 2004

// June 11th, 2010 // From the forthcoming book "Losing Steve: One Mother's Journey Through Grief"

For softball this year Robyn was blessed to get the coach she was hoping for! We are so excited for the upcoming season! Dave and I want to be even more involved this year, things at home having settled down a bit. I volunteered to help with the team banner. Shapes colors, and sizes have been dancing in my head! We’re having a get together at our place after practice on the 14th to put it all together. I find that I am really looking forward to the house full of girls and their laughter.

Although the antidepressant I’ve been taking for awhile seems to be working and I’m not constantly in a dark pit, I still carry that gnawing empty space in my gut no matter how I feel. I had a chance to sit and talk to Elaine today after church and told her, “I feel better but I always have a heavy, gnawing emptiness. I know it’ll get better but I also know it will never go away.” She finished her sip of coffee and set the cup on the table between us. Toying with it, she said “You know, it’s been three years since my son died and I still carry that empty space with me everywhere I go. But, yes. It has gotten a little easier.”

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