August 4, 2004

// September 17th, 2010 // From the forthcoming book "Losing Steve: One Mother's Journey Through Grief"

After more than three years of taking an antidepressant I’m ready to quit. My doctor originally prescribed them for me because of the panic attacks I was having every few weeks that were brought on by the hormonal changes of perimenopause. I continued after Steve died to help me keep from sinking into the abyss of maternal depression. Now I’m tired of depending on a drug to keep my mood level. Besides, my sadness isn’t as bad as it used to be and anyone in my situation would be at least a little sad, wouldn’t they?

I talked to Dr P about it. He mapped out a short weaning process for me ~ told me to take my usual dose every other day for two seeks and then quit completely.

I’m actually excited about quitting. I want to feel my life again. I’m also hoping that this will alleviate the memory problems I’ve been having. Although Amy brought up a good point….it might not be the meds at all. The two really big things I’ve forgotten recently have been related to someone’s medical issues. I might just be trying to block these types of things out of my mind because they remind me of Steve’s troubles.

The other things I forget are the kinds of things I have always forgotten…the “where-did-I-put-my-keys” kind of forgetfulness.

If it doesn’t improve after I quit the meds, I’ll talk to Dr P about it. For now though, I’m looking forward to a new adventure…..

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