// April 15th, 2010 // Uncategorized

Yesterday I felt as though it was time to move on. It was almost a physical feeling, like the initial numbness of my grief is beginning to wear off. I felt good, like some of the burden of these past months had been lifted. I put on a Jesse Cook album and was started to putter around the house tending to some long overdue tasks as I hummed along with the music.
This morning after my bible study, I got to work again in the living room. As I was clearing off the end table to dust it I came to the stack of condolence cards that have been sitting by my chair since Steve died.
I thought about where I could store them and decided to put them into in one of his bedside table drawers. I picked up the stack of cards and started going through them, weeping a little. I am especially touched when I reread the ones people personally wrote in; reminding me of a special memory they have of Steve. Then I saw the card we made to pass out at his memorial. On the front is a close up picture of Steve leaning out the passenger side of one of the trucks during one of the many trips to Ocotillo Wells. Above the picture we printed “Don’t cry because it’s over…” and underneath “Smile because it happened!”

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On the back are two more pictures, one of him in his red, white, and black ridding jersey, scrunching up his face because of the sand in his beard. The other one Nett took of him standing in front of his Jeep holding the tie rod he bent into a wide “V” shape when they were four wheeling over some boulders out at Glamis. On his face is a “He-Man” expression, like he fully intends to bend it back into a straight line. Jeremy captioned this picture “I can fix it!!!” Steve did fix it, just well enough to make the trip home from the desert.

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